.: Scherzi Telefonici :.
Dall'Artista del Surreale Oscar Arsenio Karluozzi

 

Captus (by Karluozzi)

Karluozzi ha "problemi di parlare". Ma prende coraggio e telefona alla Dottoressa Daghkberth per un appuntamento che lo possa aiutare "a racimolare le cose". In equilibrio precario tra reale e surreale, la conversazione viene infine scossa da qualcosa di improvviso ed inaspettato, probabilmente un captus...

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 4':34") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 534k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 6 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Guglielmo Di Toro (by Karluozzi)

Guglielmo Di Toro telefona ad una agenzia investigativa perche' la moglie...gli ha messo le corna!

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 3':58") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 580k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 6+ downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Non torno a casa stasera (by Karluozzi)

Un classico del surrealismo Karluozziano.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 0':48") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 185k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 6 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Eustachio Pinolo (by Karluozzi)

(by Karluozzi) Eustachio Pinolo ultimamente e' preoccupato da strani fenomeni, e decide di chiamare una professionista dell'occulto. La telefonata durera' molto poco...

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 0'40") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 157k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 6,5 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Tutti i vestiti (by Karluozzi)

Le disavventure di Gilberto a cui la moglie, per vendetta di gelosia, ha fatto sparire tutti i vestiti. Gilberto telefona ad un parroco per confessarsi e cercare di risolvere il problema...

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 1':49") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 441k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 7,5 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Pronto? (interferenza) (by Karluozzi)

(by Karluozzi) Il classico scherzo dell'interferenza nell'interpretazione di Karluozzi, che coinvolge una intera famiglia da lui interpretata.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 1':11") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 285k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 8 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Cara, quant'e' Alano? (by Karluozzi)

Karluozzi, depresso per la recente scomparsa del suo cane alano, chiama le pompe funebri canine per provvedere alla sepoltura.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 2':49") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 658k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 7 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Un'ordinazione di capre (by Karluozzi)

(by Karluozzi) In questa breve telefonata le pecore la fanno da protagoniste nel sottofondo.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 0':44") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 175k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 6 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


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