.: Scherzi Telefonici :.
Dall'Artista del Surreale Oscar Arsenio Karluozzi

 

Una cassa di vini (by Karluozzi & Valerio)

20 Barolo e 5 Champagne: i garzoni di una fantomatica ditta Monti contattano varie famiglie (tutte dal cognome De Santis!) per consegnare una cassa di vini natalizi che nessuno ha mai ordinato...! Una serie di telefonate esilaranti, che culminano con quella alla ditta Monti, chiamata da tutti i De Santis per disdire gli ordini. Al numero pero' risponde...un'autodemolizioni!

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 6':31") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 955k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 7 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";

Il Frigorifero (by Karluozzi & Valerio)

Sulla scia delle consegne natalizie, c'e' un ordine per un frigorifero. Ma i ragazzi della ditta Monti, stanchi e sfiduciati, sono rimasti bloccati nel traffico con l'Ape. Una telefonata simpatica che si trasforma in un gioco a premi in diretta in cui la signora De Santis vince il frigorifero

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 4':48") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 703k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 7+ downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";

Suor Maria (by Karluozzi)

Suor Maria chiama una Congregazione di suore per chiedere che riaccolgano con loro Suor Ermelinda, che ha bisogno urgente di un dentista. La comunicazione e'  messa in crisi da  riferimenti inaspettati ed imprevedibili, ed ecco allora che appaiono Zino Bobby, la suora della Garbatella, un Vescovo dal nome improbabile, e molto altro.... da non perdere!

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 5':53") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 1044k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 8 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Stereo (by Karluozzi & Valerio)

Uno stereo troppo alto diventa lo spunto per uno scherzo tri-dimensionale, dove la vittima e' protagonista di uno scherzo nello scherzo.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 1':47") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 290k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 8 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Il Preside (by Karluozzi)

Karluozzi nel ruolo del Preside chiama una famiglia per avvertirli che il loro figlio sta allegramente marinando la scuola da mesi.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 2':38") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 613k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 8- downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Politica in diretta (by Valerio)

La chiacchierata politica non trova sbocchi. E allora al filo diretto con un parlamentare su Radio Radicale si inserisce Franco da Roma per offrire la sua opinione risolutrice. Il commento finale del conduttore? "Questa la mandiamo a Mai dire Goal". Scherzo esilarante.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 2':09") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 501k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 8,5 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


Il Paziene Bugiardo (by Karluozzi)

Afflitto da bugiardite cronica, Pino D'Allegro decide di consultare una neurologa. Quando telefona per un appuntamento, la sua impossibilta' di dire la verita' crea una situazione surreale. L'apologia dello scherzo.

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 3':51") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 909k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 7+ downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";

Televendite (by David Pesce, Valerio, & Karluozzi)

La banda di Karluozzi tempesta di telefonate una Televendita in diretta TV. Dai lampadari ai bastoni antichi, dal grammofono al macinacaffe', siamo disposti a comprare tutto, ma solo a certe condizioni...

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 6':36") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 961k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 8 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";


6218557 (by Karluozzi)

Barbara non c'e'. Ma Eustachio incontra non poche difficolta' nel tentativo di trascrivere correttamente il numero dove poterla trovare...

- - - - -> Ascolta (RealAudio 2':08") [aiuto]

- - - - -> Download (MP3 495k) [aiuto]

voto medio: 7 downloads: #!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Download Counter (SHOWLOAD) Version 3.5 # # Copyright 1998-99, UtilMind Solutions info@utilmind.com # # http://www.utilmind.com # # Created 3.XII.1998 Last Modified 9.V.1999 # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998-99 UtilMind Solutions. All Rights Reserved. # # # # This program is being distributed as shareware. It may be used and # # modified free of charge for personal, academic, government or non-profit # # use, so long as this copyright notice and the header above remain intact. # # Any commercial use should be registered. Please also send us an email, # # and let us know where you are using this script. By using this program # # you agree to indemnify UtilMind Solutuons from any liability. # # # # Selling the code for this program without prior written consent is # # expressly forbidden. Obtain permission before redistributing this # # program over the Internet or in any other medium. In all cases # # copyright and header must remain intact. # # # # Please check the README file for full details on installation # # and registration. # ############################################################################## # This is the counter log filename $databasefile = 'download.txt'; #################################################################### # Here you can set up the divider sign of the "top download" string # For example, if you set the ': ' sign, the string with the most # downloaded prgram will displayed as: thebestprogram.exe: 1432313 $topsign = ' - '; # Begining of the code. No modifications need below this line print "Content-Type: text/html\n\n"; # Get the input $link = $ENV{'QUERY_STRING'}; if (substr($link, 0, 1) eq '+') { $top = substr($link, 1, length($link) - 1); $showtop = 1; } open(FILE, $databasefile) || die Can't locate database file $!; @DATA = ; close(FILE); $SIZE = @DATA; if ($showtop eq 1) { if ($top ne '') { ($counter, $link) = split(/`/, $DATA[$top]); print "$link$topsign$counter"; } else { $total = 0; for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $dummy) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); $total = $total + $counter; } print $total; } exit; } for ($i=0;$i<$SIZE;$i++) { ($counter, $baselink) = split(/`/, $DATA[$i]); chop($baselink); if ($baselink eq $link) { print $counter; exit; } } print "?";



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